Not so Emo - Ch 3 Cover

posted January 29th, 2016, 2:10 am


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view Fukairi's profile

January 29th, 2016, 2:09 am

Fukairi

Oops!

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Decided to update the whole of ch 2.5 since I got a lot of chapter 3 done (around 2 month's worth of updates)

Let me know what you thought, since any sort of feedback on the emotional side will help with ch 3




@witchknox

Thank you! I worry a lot about if I can pull the more serious issues off without it coming like completely off the rails because of how silly most of the comic is. But even though chapter 3 will have some pretty serious things introduced, the jokes will be there too...I hope it'll work out okay! Thank you for your opinion!

@Aiyse
Weeeeell...! That might be coming up ;D
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

@grlwithsixarms

I agree with you! I worried if the foreshadowing was too little, since it was only on two pages ( http://nse.smackjeeves.com/comics/1012763/not-so-emo-ch1-pg9/ and http://nse.smackjeeves.com/comics/2245332/not-so-emo-ch-2-pg-34/ )
Anna is in middle school & Nem is in High school, so that made it kind of hard to have them interract.chapter 2.5 kinda serves as a sorta introductory for Anna, since she will play a bigger part later.
Thank you! I really appreciate it! You had some valid points and it's always good to hear more critical thoughts.


@redleaveshavefallen
Also page 9 of chapter 1 had some foreshadowing with Erica remarking how seemingly perfect their homelife was.

And yeah I kind of wanted the last page to be the most important! I'm glad the emotion on that came across! It will be touched upon later~
Thank you for taking the time to write crit! I really appreciate it!

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October 19th, 2017, 6:33 pm

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view witchknox's profile

January 29th, 2016, 7:32 am

witchknox

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Loved all of 2.5. I love all the funny bits and everything, but I love the serious points too. It gives the characters more depth. All in all, it's well balanced. Great job. :D

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view Aiyse's profile

January 29th, 2016, 8:54 am

Aiyse

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All I can think is "oh dear...she's gonna go mental when she finds out about her son if she thinks makeup makes a girl a whore..."

and then began to wonder if she's a relative of some of my in-laws. :/

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view grlwithsixarms's profile

January 29th, 2016, 9:14 am

grlwithsixarms

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Taken alone I think 2.5 was well done - I think it sets up an interesting dynamic, especially with how Anna seems to be bearing the brunt of their mother's insanity despite the fact that Nem is the one that clearly doesn't share their mother's religious beliefs.

The problem for me is that it came out of nowhere for the rest of the story. If there had been some hints or foreshadowing, I think there would have been more emotional/narrative payoff (if there were, ignore this and tell me to do more crosswords to keep my memory from going). Something like Anna ducking into the bathroom at school to put on makeup or Nem reminding her to take it off before she gets home so their mother doesn't flip would go a long way towards setting up the idea that something is wrong in their household. As it was, I didn't know that Anna was wearing makeup or that she isn't allowed to by their mother and that combined with how little we'd seen of Anna in the rest of the story so far made it feel kind of like I was reading a completely different comic.

Whew, sorry that was so long! Also, I feel like I should note that I really do love this comic, even though I went into super critique mode for opinion time. The fun bits genuinely have me giggling alone at the computer like a lunatic and I think your art/character design is really good (and Marcus is HAWT).

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view redleaveshavefallen's profile

January 29th, 2016, 1:27 pm

redleaveshavefallen

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Thanks for the 2.5 update! Seeing an entire chapter uploaded is like! Dang! SO much nice reading to be had.

I see a lot of people saying it kind of came from nowhere, and I kinda agree. However, that can be effective if it isn't too far in the story, and that was 2.5. To a longtime reader it seems unannounced and even obtrusive, but I think a first time reader going through it all might find it pleasantly shocking. I tend to enjoy out-of-nowhere angst after happy introductions.

However, even with that, it didn't quite reach me emotionally, maybe because we were seeing flashbacks without much background instead of interactions. A girl being hit by her mother is sad, but doesn't leave much emotional impact when we don't know much about either of the two or the emotions and circumstances behind the actions. You gave beginnings of context, which definitely helped, and I'm sure it will be much more powerful in the future! But until more context is given, it comes off a teensy bit heavy-handed.
That last page though, which the exchange between siblings and a promise not to leave without her--hoo boy. That hit me. That hit me right in the friggin feels. Especially because I've been in a position like that. Interaction, I find, is easier to convey powerful emotions, and THAT hoo boy, golly gosh. That good stuff.

I can't wait to see how this story evolves!

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view redleaveshavefallen's profile

January 29th, 2016, 1:28 pm

redleaveshavefallen

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(..part 2)

wAIT.
I JUST REMEMBERED. WHEN HE WAS AT THE DUDE'S HOUSE. AND WAS COMMENTING ON THE LOVING PARENTING. AND HOW LUCKY HE WAS. AND OH GOSH. THAT WAS FORESHADOWING. OH MY GOSH. *NOW* I'M EMOTIONAL
THAT WHOLE SCENE IS DIFFERENT NOW
GOSH
GOLLY
G O S H

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